Guess what, I had a less than satisfactory day on Tuesday.
As i was bracing myself for the arctic temperatures outside, i go to button my coat…. and my last freakin button falls off.
My coat now has zero buttons and is just flapping open in the chill winter wind. How convenient for me, because being cold infuriates me unlike anything else in the world. seriously. OH it was all a literal downpour on Tuesday, like it was raining sideways from all the rain and wind, so that really worked out in my favor. What else is new? NOTHING
I got a new credit card in the mail and i never ever activate them, which is horrible planning on my part because when i was buying Harry Potter deathly hallows part 2 my credit was not working on the machine, Which caused me to have a flashback *Que Garth a Wayne* doodlodoodlodoodlo…
I got a new credit card in the mail and i decided not to active it, a couple weeks later, i stop at the gas station because i dont even have enough gas to get home. i try my card at the pump it says go see cashier, so i go in and he tells me its declined, Obviously in denial I make him try it one million times as many different ways as possible. Oh no. What the f am i going to do im going to have to push my car home oh freakin great. But my mother saves the day and buys me gas and all is well and i swear to always activate my new cards.
guess what? i dont. But as it turns out, it wasnt my card it was actually the machine and it worked on his little register card swiper thing. so thank god. and i also STILL havent activated my new card……
Some girl in my class asked me if i has a tide to go pen. because, and i quote, “you look like the kind of person who would have a tide to go pen.”
Will i take that as a compliment? yes, yes i will.
It must mean that i look clean and care about my hygiene and my hair never looks greasy. So that made me pretty excited, because if i can trick these people into thinking i wash my hair and care about my clothes and stuff, that there is still hope for me.
Now, now, the game of life was always enjoyable as a child, but when you get older you realize that its not cool to have 6 kids, so that you have to turn your little car over into a boat to fit your husband and all your offspring, and that is just fiscally not possible to be a salesperson, making 20,000 dollars on the payday spaces, yet still live in the luxurious modern Victorian house.
So me and my friends played last night. I started at college in hopes of getting extra life tiles and the elite college jobs so i could be like a doctor or something, while my two friends just started at careers.
Obviously i spun a 10 and skipped all the cool college moments where you get life tiles and stuff, what a waste. I drew my elite college only career cards and i get to be a veterinarian. It was that or an accountant, what a waste of going to college. F that.
My friends start out careers and start getting their paydays, and im all poor and they make you borrow 100,000 dollars when you start at college, so im poor and in debt. So we finally get to draw ‘starter’ houses. My friends get the ranch house and the condo, and obviously i live in the freakin mobile home. Of freakin’ course. A vet who makes 80,000 every payday and i live in an aluminum mobile home.
my friends also have already landed on the kids spaces so Sami has 4 kids right now, while jahrdin has 2. and i still have none. Just me and my husband in our magenta mini van.
There should be a sports car option for the couples without children.
There is now an option to go back school. I go, hoping to improve my life, which is in shambles right now.
My friends, do not.
This round of college goes a lot better for me. I get a Scholarship, i get to apart of an elite honor society. And at the end of my college round 2 experience, i get a 20,000 pay raise. YES. now i get the big yellow 100,000 bill on my paydays. I’m obviously going to win.
Its time for everyone to get rid of their starter home and get real homes. I draw two choices. A beautiful modern victorian, that i clearly cannot still afford because i obviously land on all the spaces where you pay the bank, Or my second choice. A double wide mobile home.
I will take a loan out and put my family in a luxurious home i cannot afford rather than go back to a mobile home. I am a veterinarian that makes 100,000 dollars every payday, i will not be living in a mobile home.
By now samis van is busting at the seams with children and her husband keeps falling out and trying to commit suicide and jahrdin has lost her job twice and had to keep picking different careers to support her and her twins, and she ends up as the ‘entertainer’ which we assume is a stripper of sorts.
We finally get to the end, im the last to reitre and we count up all the money and cash in alllll our life tiles and sell our houses.
And i lose, i went to college TWICE and my friend who had to have three different jobs, didnt go to college, and ended up as a stripper, won.
Im dropping out of college its only going to ruin my life.
OH! and happy thanksgiving, im thankful for everyone who is reading this :]
ill also be thankful if you share this with your friends or click the stumbleupon button and share it there ;]
Have a nice happy holiday!!