newports and cheap russian vodka

Published December 16, 2011 by shadycatlady

I cant believe Lisa D’amato won the all stars cycle of Americas Next Top Model.

WHAT THE H-E-L-L

first off, she totally cussed during the final runway show. Since when is that okay Tyra? NEVER thats when you bunch of butt wipes.

Second, she looks like Americas Next Top Trailer park wife.

Its like, she goes and drops off her kids at school, goes to tan for 40 minutes and then goes to a different tanning salon and tans for an additional 40 minutes. To ensure that she looks all crispy and leathery. mmm, true beauty

She also is like the mom where you dont want your kids going over to her trailer and hanging out her kids because they will TOTALLY come back all covered in various glitters and 99 cent red lipstick that somehow got all over teeth, and they will smell like newports and cheap russian vodka and say things like I love jumping in the air and doing splits and wearing hotpants with suspenders and bras are shirts and i want leathery skin 

because im sure those things are what goes on at her place.

Also remember when i was looking for a totally inappropriate christmas present for a nine year old?

WELL as it turns out someone else googled “kids animal print tear away pants” and ended up on my blog.

i want to meet this person so we can join the quest together for wildly inappropriate christmas gifts in the form of pants that just rip right off.

I dont understand why progresso/progressive ,which ever one is the soup i always forget, lets their carrots explode in my microwave.

You think if you want me to microwave your soup for 3-5 minutes you would make it so your carrots wouldnt explode. because then i get all scared and take my soup out and its NEVER hot.

plus it makes a huge mess and loud noise that scares my devil cat.

you do not want to anger the devil.

Also i think Dane Cook is my soul mate, his tweets are HILARIOUS

everyone go follow him NOW @danecook

hilarious, i emailed him explaining that i was perfectly legal and were soul mates and that following him was the best decision ever, i am awaiting the reply currently.

I’ll keep you posted

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