some good news for you….. and life lessons from me

Published January 1, 2012 by shadycatlady

You all should be THRILLED that i have finished all the kardashian shows available on netflix. But now i feel like my insides are an empty void, like what do i do? Im going to have to find somewhere to watch the ones that are not available because mason grows up and gets adorable! HELLLOOOO

BUT Scott did get really really really, like, REALLY wasted at Kim’s birthday party and it was ridic. like seriously. Him and Rob started drinking like right away and then they got into a fist fight purely to piss off Kris, and it worked because like, “omg you got champagne all over my brand new dress!!!!!!” yeah shit got real up in the Las Vegas. And then Scotts bosses were coming up to the hotel because they know Kris and Kris TOLD Scott that his bosses were coming up and when they knocked on the door Scott let Rob out of a headlock and scrambled to his feet and said “Thats the police, don’t look them in the eye when they get in here!”

Scott you have consumed enough alcohol to get a small army hammered, and not small like midget small like in quantity, you know maybe like a couple hundred soldiers. I dont think not looking in the polices eye is going to stop the fountain to champagne perfume that is your breath hit them like a ton of bricks.

And then Kris was complaining about being at Khloes bachelorette party because there were penises everywhere and it was just “totally inappropriate” but i know she secretly loved it because she likes to embrace her inner youth and drink heavily and stuff.

I have realized something over the holiday. Mall parking lots are a battle royal.

It everyman for himself and it is prison ruled, meaning there is no rules. Now, is that was prison rules actually means? no idea, but i’d like to imagine it that way.

There is no mercy.

Stop Signs? what stop sign officer, im partially blind in one eye so hardly even noticed a tiny stop sign plus a tree was blowing in the breeze and the leaves were blocking it form my vision. Yeah like that.

A 4 way stop at a mall is like a dirty cage fight.

Nobody gets turns. HA, your turn, LADY THERE IS A SALE AT THE OLD NAVY.

If no one moves for a fraction of a second it is a FREE FOR ALL and everyone goes and its everyones fault because it was everyones turn.

There is a lot of hairsprayed moms and tan crispy middle fingers up in the mall parking lot.

I spent NYE (i like to abbreviate that, its looks cool and sophisticated) at our local comedy club place with some old friends and new friends and my BFF/Sister, except we didnt watch comedy, we watched the 80’s cover band.

Let me tell you a couple things about NYE.

Cougars love 80’s music, and they WILL get on stage and steal a tambourine and dirty dance no matter how old they are because they dont really know they are old. Cougars also love drinks, and singing out loud really loud while reminiscing about their glory days.

Cover bands should always have their own show.

I picture their lives so interesting, like they book the occasional gig where they get to wail out on the guitars and be the second best thing next to the real band. And after the show they take a bunch of cougars back to their apartment where there isnt enough rooms for everyone and then they all drink busch and natty lite and then pass out next 3 day old pizza while the cougars politely excuse themselves because they are NOT wasting the outfit they bought that they cant afford on this garbage dump of a situation.

People love drinks, LOVE THEM.

They have this thing called a fish bowl…. and it is just literally a fishbowl filled with a bunch of 151 and other stuff.

People should just not drink those, yet i seen so many, and people are allllll kinds of wasted and making mistakes and dancing, and i know that they think they actually look like Michael Jackson (rip) while dancing to Billie Jean, but i KNOW you dont, you look like your having spasms.

Which is why i should be in charge of everyones decisions, except the cougars, they have life alllll figured out.


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