Used Car Salesmen

Published January 3, 2012 by shadycatlady

Yesterday my family got a new car. But not brand new, like used new.

which means we went to the used car lot.

Granted the lot was very nice and our new car is very nice I associate buying a car very closely with armed robbery.

You go in there with a killer plan, leaving no room for error and free of flaws, and when you get there all hell breaks loose. You just want to get what you want and leave but then people are trying to bargain with you and you don’t even want to be there anymore and then there is hostages and you pray that the police don’t become involved. You know, every day stuff.

I also have this vision of used car lots. It’s got a bunch of those triangle flags things and they’re all metallic colored, and there is also a clown making balloon animals but it cant really make a lot of animals it can like make snakes and stuff, but not rattlesnakes,  and it sweaty so its face paint is kind of drippy and the car salesman has a pet monkey on his shoulder that he needs to pay for so he REALLY needs to sell you this car and hes wearing a tuxedo that is entirely to big. It is also all in a sepia tone, because that is just how it is in my head.

But that was not the case at this classy dealership. Our old salesman, named bob, met us outside and my father got out to talk to him and told us we were not allowed to get out because we would probably ruin everything. Probably because my mom was really excited and he would’ve asked to sell to us for 100,000 and she would have said yes, and im mean and would have bad copped him from the start. So they go look at the car and me and my mom are stalking them with our eyes within the car, waiting for the signal that we can finally get out and then they walk inside, still no signal….. were freakin out at this point, like omg maybe we missed the signal, so then they finally walk back outside and my moms like “That was the signal!!!” and im like “Are you sure?!?!” because if we get out of this car early and ruin everything he has built so far, so help us god that will be one quiet ride home in our old car.

It was in fact THEE signal, so we jump out of the car like soldiers in battle, thats what it felt like, but it probably looked like two kids running into Toys R Us but super clumsy with some ice thrown in. The car was ready for our maiden voyage. We drove it around the tiny town and besides the fact that my arm rest fell off, it was just perfect. Oh wait, I also found a couple michelob beer caps and a sweet n low wrapper in the pocket behind the seat, so who knows what thats all about. So we drove back and got to go inside this time.

This was my first time getting a good look at Bob, and he was not at all what i described earlier, no tuxedo. He was wearing some nice khaki corduroys paired with a vertical striped bill cosby sweater. Since he was approximately 66 years old, he did not have all his hair, but he had a comb over so it all equaled out at the end. Now Bob said from the start he was a no nonsense fellow, and we were like right on, because we all take no nonsense, and he also used cuss words because hes 66 fire him he doesnt care, he was a feisty old soul. We liked him. And after he found the missing piece to the arm rest, we bought a car from this fellow. And me and my mom didnt even get in trouble there.




3 comments on “Used Car Salesmen

  • Sounds awesome! I’m still waiting for the first electric Ghetto-SUV and the anticlimactic welcome it would get. Think about it. A hardcore rapper with gold teeth and a fist full of blood diamonds screaming “No homo!” from a dead quiet speeding SUV.

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