Mid-life crisis

Published January 10, 2012 by shadycatlady

Remember when I said I had my future all figured out?

well I lied, because why try to steal your old boyfriend back when you can have a husband that steals things for a living and goes to jail so you don’t even have to hang out with them.

Yes everyone im talking about being a MobWife. Because that is THEE perfect life.

They sit around and get plastic surgery and beat the tar out of each other and drink cocktails and say cool things like “Don’t be bashin me around the neighborhoods” which basically means don’t be talkin about her to other people and then not talk to her. and “Ain’t gunna be no violence up in this bitch” which means were going to go to this birthday party and talk about out our problems but there will be NO fist fights because this is a classy birthday party, so obviously there was a huge fist fight and plates were thrown and vans were punched. Normal everyday behavior for the Staten Island.

So i have changed my mind and will NOT drink distilled bourbon in a nerds garage and instead i will live a glamourous life where i dont work and my husbands in jail and i drink classy cocktails with my close girlfriends who i fist fight on occasion.

I feel like i just resolved my mid-life crisis before it had time to happen.

Remember when i talked about the oh so famous kid with a pocket sized edition of the constitution? 

well he’s back. In like two of my classes. Im so excited. And i am not mistaken i KNOW its the same guy because he wears his black hair all gelled back and only wears jeans with huge crosses on the butt cheek. Nothin says i love Jesus like sittin on some crosses.

My teacher has walked RIGHT out of the 90’s. Like seriously, she hay have been on all that or the amanda show, THAT much 90’s.

Her name is Cynthia but im going to call her Clarissa forever.

She had blonde hair and wore a black dress that went down to like her mid calves with red and green flowers sprouting up from the bottom of the dress and she was wearing her bangs back, but not like a little bump that everyone wears now, but she had them pinned back to the sides so she could still be rockin a middle part, OH and the bobby pins were green jewels. She had fabulous blue glasses and was wearing a hello kitty necklace, equipped with a, waaait for it, JELLY WATCH.

She went all out, im sure she she has a drawer full of scrunchies, slap bracelets, and goosebumps books.

I cant wait to see the rest of her wardrobe.

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9 comments on “Mid-life crisis

  • I’m going to keep giving your posts one star until you text me back motherfucker because I miss your face and our lunches and our best friends aka the asian twins damn it

  • Wow you must have had a totally different 90’s experience then I did. In the 90’s I was dying my hair purple, wearing combat boots, getting pierced and tattooed and hanging out in mosh pits at Marilyn Manson concerts. Hm.

  • “I’m going to keep giving your posts one star until you text me back motherfucker because I miss your face and our lunches and our best friends aka the asian twins damn it” <- knew something was up!

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