This add new post has been sitting up for around a half hour. Empty.
Why you ask?
Because i was 110% sure i was going to vomit my brains out.
You know when you get all hot and know its not from your electric blanket and everythings all spinny and then your throat does that cool thing where it coats itself with spit for your vomits easy removal.
I just knew.
Except i just spent the past half hour sitting in there. Eating tums like they were sweetarts dipped in a thick layer of chalk.
It was not a total waste. I was able to confirm that there is NOT a dead spider in the bottom of the toilet. My moms just crazy.
Now that were done with that lets get back to what i came here to write about.
Blue Ivy Carter.
Unless your a hipster to the tenth degree you KNOW jigga jay-z and Bey (Beyonce) had a perfect child.
They named her Blue Ivy Carter. So she is in the illuminati. Thats what I’ve heard anyways.
Oh shes in the illuminati because she is the youngest person to be on the billboard top 100 or topped it or something like that. This happened when she was three days old, so continue to feel like failure.
If she IS in the illuminati it would explain her bitchin nursery that is double the size of my entire house pretty much.
she is rockin 2,200 square foot nursery with like 6 nannies because, they all play hide and go seek in the mansion nursery. or something there really isnt a good excuse for that.
so if that doesnt make you feel like crap maybe the fact that she parks her poopy diapers on a 600,000 dollar solid gold rocking horse will.
It didnt make me feel like crap because i dont like gold. But i would for sure pawn the shit out of that at my local cash for gold.
But she also has a bathtub made out of swarvoski crystals. and like a REALLY good crib that looks like its made out of plastic but cost thousands of dollars or something.
Her name is also patented. So try to open a trendy boutique under her name.
I may never be more successful than blue ivy carter because i wouldve had to start my career around 18 years ago, but I can say this Blue Ivy Carter..
I lived to see NINE plants. Something she may never get to do. so HA.
Thats going to make me sound so old eventually
Yeah well when I was your age I had to memorize NINE planets.
I found someone who doesnt make me want to stab my eyes out with hot forks in my philosophy class.
He looks like asher roth mixed with damian from the glee project, so in my mind I call him Irish Asher.
I was sitting on a bench minding my own business (Ignore the fact that that sounded like Moaning Myrtle) when he came up and he ASKED if he could sit on the other end.
Of course you can because you wear new balances and are not annoying and dont have your ipod sound level on ‘personal rock concert’.
And i like him even more because he did NOT talk to me or try to talk to me and then he went and sat in him corner of the class room and i sat on mine.
I have finally found an equal
oh whoops. sorry im not sure what happened there. Not that kind of equal. I’m sure we can co-exist.
BUT me and my mother made some great valentines day treats and they were DELICIOUS !!!!
little mini strawberry rice krispie treat cupcakes!!
YAY FOR LONG TITLES!
so easy to make and SO good!
I even ate one fore breakfast!
YAY CAVITIES !!
I wonder if i can talk my mom into making me a smoothie in our jesus blender….
HAHAHA google images has everything.
but really we dont have a literal jesus blender like this. Don’t think were weird.