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All posts for the month March, 2012

Word Vomit volume number 1

Published March 31, 2012 by shadycatlady

Okay so I have decided to start a new little category and see how it goes.

It is titled ‘Word Vomit’ for when I have the urge to tell you guys a small snippet of my day and dont feel like waiting to gather more information and make a whole blog post.

So these will be short sweet and to the point.

Like when I was TRYING to get on the express way on Friday and some hillbilly would NOT let me over so im all awkwardly on the entrance ramp and almost in a real lane. and obviously he has a PETA bumper sticker on his rusty pick up truck.

AND HE WAS MAD AT ME.

It looked a lot like this….

Yeah the PETA bumper sticker actually stood for “People Eat Tasty Animals” THAT much hillbilly.

Also he didnt flip me off but i figured it would help you visualize how mad he was AT ME.

He didnt want to help out his American Brethren out. So you’ll get yours buddy. Oh you’ll get yours.

I also went to go eat lunch with my mother at work and I walk into this scenario

Apparently it was parent teacher conference day so her bosses child was at my work and he was riding on the elliptical, that for some reason has toilet paper on the handle, and stabbing a card board box with a tiny sword. ALL at the same time.

That is a hospital trip waiting to happen.

He also kept saying things like “Heart rate is at 98 yep, perfect

And getting on his moms facebook and informing us of basketball players REAL facebook and how he is going to be friends with Lebron James on facebook or something. I dont know hes crazy.

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Im awake and I shouldnt be.

Published March 30, 2012 by shadycatlady

Well here I am sitting in my bed, cat curled up on my feet, awake.

Hours before I have to be up.

Like AWAKE awake. Not that incoherent awake some people get where they say things that they dont really understand. Like awake to where I could probably figure out some complex math problem. And im horrible at math.

I was awake earlier but I managed to fall asleep by turning on Harry Potter and the half blood prince and Dumbledores soothing voice allowed to sleep.

But then it was over and I woke up only to have to watch full house.

Right now becky told uncle Jesse that he was having a baby. She told him an hour after he found out he got a record deal and found out he was going to on tour. AND he was excited. Yeah right. If you tell a dirty garage band dude with great hair that you’re having a baby I doubt he would instantly be excited. He would probably make you wear jean shorts and crop band tees and force you to live on a tour bus with a gaggle of dirty dudes drinkin PBR and smokin American Spirits or something.

She also told him by playing pictionary or charades whatever. How full house is that. A rousing game of pictionary with the entire family to tell your husband that youre having a baby.

“Cheese half-ink a baby”

But uncle Jesse also guessed Dancing with Cheeses and cheese halfink a hotdog.

Oh silly uncle Jesse.

They also let Michelle temporarily name it big bird.

I also was having really weird dreams. Like the cops kept showing up at places I was at with my best friend and we just knew they were after us. But we didnt care. and they showed up at work and my boss started running in the dusty desert out the back door and he just kept screaming RUN RUN RUN RUN. so I naturally thought that the nuclear power plant within my work building was going to blow up. But it turns out it was just the police. And it turns out that the police were after us because my friend didnt turn her iPad on when we were flying. But we never flew so she was all upset but I had to tell her just let it go.

Now some people, like can’t sleep ever and this type of thing is normal, like my dad. Who never sleeps.

But I can ALWAYS sleep. I never have a problem with it. It is just a gift. I hate sleeping but once im in bed its game on and the next time I open my eyes it is because my alarm is going off. Do you guys know what it is like to sit up in the middle of the night?

Yeah i found this. and this is exactly what its like.

Except I dont have insomnia. I’m just awake for no reason.

Except Tom Felton just tweeted this picture

So I’m glad I’m awake. because I LOVE Rupert Grint. Love.

I also love Tom.

My Harry Potter obsession never fails to invite itself everywhere. In every situation I can feel myself talking about Harry Potter and relating it to everything.

But right now I turned on Juno. Nothing gets you pumped up in the morning like a witty pregnant teenager!

Last time I woke up in the middle of the night I created this

So I guess I’m grateful that I didnt think super weird things again.

Unless this is super weird and I’m just to tired to notice. Because I’m finally getting tired again.

The Wizarding World of Harry Potter

Published March 25, 2012 by shadycatlady

Well friday marked the beginning of my two week pre-birthday extravaganza.

What that means is I can now do stuff that may bother people but i get to say “Um hello its my two week pre birthday have a heart” and they’ll be all Ooooooh right, carry on then.

Yeah because thats totally how it works.

Now I ask for asinine things every single year mixed in with some not so totally asinine things, to make the things I actually want seem like its not that much money.

Like this year when I threw in this beauty.

A 31,000 dollar diamond Cartier panther ring. Because I love cats. and diamonds. Do i expect to get this? no.

But it makes this

Moderately priced tiffany’s script ring seem reasonable. I know how to play the game, I’m the coach.

But there is one asinine thing I ask for for every gift giving and non gift giving holiday. And I mean every. I never forget.

I literally want nothing more than to go to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. If they said we could if i shaved my head. I wouldnt even think about it, I would just do it. Hell, I’d cut off my RIGHT arm. and I’m right handed for EVERYTHING.

So for every holiday for like the past two years I look up price quotes and dates and all the activities we could possibly do there as a family and I make my own professional business offer. I put it together SUPER nicely and I ever write an introduction about how I would be delighted and Jolly if we could all just do this one frickin time.

I highlight important prices and dates so that they dont have to be searching on the page for them.

And yet I am still waiting.

So just a week ago I handed my father the seemingly bi-weekly brochure of the very reason blood courses through my veins. Harry Potter. And no I do not expect to get it just quite yet. But it is something I will never give up on.

He may never get it for me because as I was getting ready for the premier he said

Arent you a little old to be doing this stuff still

And then my jaw hit the floor and my eyes welled up with tears and I was like OH MY GOD HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT

First of all I was only 18, second of all I’m part of the harry potter generation so basically everyone who fully understands the story and grew up with it and waiting for releases and stuff IS around my age, or older!

But he has since watched all the movies except for part two. I’m putting that off because I weep like a newborn and I know there are just some things he will never let me live down. And weeping at harry potter is one of them.

My sports attempt was the other (incase you missed it click there)

But hands down I will ask for that every holiday until those magical tickets fall out of a card and I pee all over my floor out of excitement.

So maybe if we all wish REALLY hard. It will happen before I turn 57.

I appreciate your wishes.

Pura Vida give away!

Published March 22, 2012 by shadycatlady

Now if I had a super power it would be to predict trends. Like a couple months ago when I told my mom that pastel pants were going to be as cool as peeing your pants (Subtle Billy Madison reference). Anyways I can whole heartedly tell you that Pura Vida bracelets are going to take over the world.

You’re not even going to be able to go to your grandmas house and not see one of these bracelets.

They scream summer. They are bright and exciting. They are going to bring out your tan, they will make you look tanner. They are amazing.

The best part is they are SUPER affordable and you can never have too many. The more you have the better it looks. You’ll look like a super cool beach goddess.

It all started when two friends hit the beach of Costa Rica for 5 weeks to celebrate graduation when they came across a man named Jorge selling these bracelets. They asked him to make them 400 to take back to the states and the rest is history. These bracelets changed lives. Jorge can now afford to live in a comfortable house and employ his friends. So when you buy these amazing bracelets you are actually helping people obtain full time jobs!

Can it possibly get any better?

Yes it can because Pura Vida says I can give away one of their amazing braided bracelets to one of my readers for free!

“Every bracelet is 100% waterproof. Go surf, snowboard, or even take a shower with them on. Wearing your bracelets every day only enhances the natural look and feel. Every bracelet is unique and hand-made therefore a slight variation in color combination may occur. The gold “P” charm will bronze over time.”

*That may not be the exact color because Pura Vida is making the color a secret 😉

It’s so easy to enter!

All you have to do is:

Follow Pura Vida on twitter <— click there

‘LIKE’ Pura Vida on Facebook  <—- annnd click there!

and then go to their store page  find your favorite item and share with us what it is on here in the comments!

And don’t forget to enter a valid email address so I can contact you for the shipping information!

The contest will end tomorrow (Fri, March, 23) at 4:00 P.M sharp! and I will choose the winner randomly using Random.org

What are you still doing here! Go win yourself a bracelet!

and dont thank me, thank Pura Vida

Shamrock Shake

Published March 18, 2012 by shadycatlady

Now I was supposed to blog about Shamrock Shakes as someone suggested on twitter, but I need to need to be honest here. I had full intention of going to get a shamrock shake and explain to you guys in strenuous detail what my taste buds had experienced but I just didnt get one today. I just ran out of time. And since I have never ever had one I cant even go off of what I know. So I naturally googled everything I needed to know about Shamrock Shakes. And I didnt use wikipedia because I usually do but then i came across glee being under the genre of ‘Ass Ass Dick’ somewhere and I was like Wow my evil 6th grade computer lab teacher was right, people do actually just go on here and make shit up. 

So basically on my quest to figure out what exactly a Shamrock Shake is, i learned it is just a minty vanilla shake with green food coloring. Now I can’t say I’m disappointed because that does not sound that bad. I have never had one before because I always assumed they were absolutely disgusting because they were green. I also think that i thought they were actually made from shamrocks, thus producing the green color. It never occurred to me that that was weird and probably violating several health codes. I was a simple child.

It us also taking me twice as long to write this simple blog post because Harry Potter is on TV.

So as i was reading reviews of this blessed shake I guess it taste a lot like a breath mint. and medicine. Which I dont think i would find that enjoyable. Giving medicine to me that is not in a pill form is a lot like giving medicine to a dog.

It aint easy. ESPECIALLY if it is the kind that dissolves. No part of having my medicine disintegrate in my mouth is enjoyable. It also causes me to dry heave or actually vomit . especially anything grape flavored.

DID YOU KNOW *fun fact alert* it probably took me 45 minutes to actually muster up the courage to take liquid medicine because I knew it tasted disgusting.

So I have low hopes for the shamrock shake.

They maybe even lower from when I thought it was made form actual Shamrocks.

I have no idea when they stop selling them but i swear i will get one this week and I will blog my official review of the famous Shamrock shake.

Oh and I also told everyone I came across yesterday that I was half Irish.

Im zero percent Irish.

APRIL FOOLS

Paranoia and Fear.

Published March 15, 2012 by shadycatlady

So my luck has ran out yet again.

It seems that the mild ogre fight was the calm before the real storm.

I was sitting down when it sounded like the battle of Hogwarts had erupted in my living room.

As I said before. I am VERY, emphasis on the VERY, scared of storms. And since my mom undermines my fear and refuses my need for xanax or other anxiety medicine I have to sit here through it. Now, It is not the scared where I’m all omg im sooo scared someone come over and cuddle and watch movies. Its more like OMG IM SO SCARED LET ME COME OVER IN YOUR BUNKER BUT PUT ME INSIDE OF A FULL STEEL BOX WITH MY CAT AND WHILE I THROW UP AND PUKE AT THE SAME TIME BECAUSE IM SURE IM GOING TO DIE kind of scared.

The absolute last thing I think of when I think of tornados is this

I do not believe that I will swept away to a magical land where the central theme is choosing family over wealth. Sneaky. But I think more like this

Now, I do not always freak out like this. This behavior is specifically for thunderstorms. Like a puppy

Like today when I was breaking on the highway because other people were breaking, I could see the car in my rear view mirror just not slowing down. And i was not freaking out at all. I didnt even freak out when it had to swerve into the other lane because he did not feel like slowing down. And i could only bring myself to think of all the muffin crumbs on my lap. Priorities. Im doing it right.

BUT I do have paranoia for no reason also, like my boss boss said to me yesterday Can I ask you an honest question and i started freaking out like I had no idea if i could tell the truth anymore, like what if i forgot and lied, but he really just wanted to know if he looked old. And also someone stuck like 2 pamphlets under my windshield wipers but i didnt notice them until i was driving and all I kept thinking was that they were going to fly off and I would get a fine for littering and that the cops wouldnt believe me when I would try to tell them that someone put it on my car and i didnt notice it and that I really wasnt trying to litter. So thanks a lot who ever did that.

Also on a side note on my way to school I was behind a car that was going like 4 MPH around corners like their Grand Marquis was going flip over if they went over 10 MPH so that got me all pumped up.

So while this devil storm carries on and I have to sit here in the middle of it I will be watching Toddlers in Tiaras because, yes, I do like that show. *Kiss face to the judges* Pretty Walk *Wink Blow Kisses to the Judges* Get Ultimate Grand Supreme title. POW

My tragic childhood. Cows and bikes. that is all.

Published March 13, 2012 by shadycatlady

I didn’t learn to ride a bike until i was like 13. I may be exaggerating since i don’t remember the precise age but it was totally in that ball park. I’m an only child who the hell was i going to ride bikes with at the age of seven. Plus I still didnt want friends, similar to Lord Voldemort.

so bike riding never appealed to me. Plus I used to go over my cousins house and have to watch them run each others heads over. I concluded bikes were too dangerous at a young age. I also still feel this way. I don’t even have a bike, nor do I want one. I thought maybe rollerblading would be a bit easier because I well know how to walk. But surprisingly it is not just like walking only with wheels and then you end up in someones bushes and walk the rest of the way home.

Also I have a mild fear of striking innocent animals with my car, which is why i almost ALWAYS refuse to drive through the metro park at anytime of the day because I know a deer will gallop across the street with its whole family just loving life and sunshine and stuff and ill be changing the song on the radio or would have just looked down for a second and BOOM i’d hit them all. It’s how my life works. Where did I become so paranoid? Let me tell you. When I was a child my mother hit an entire cow with her car. In her defense the cow was black, and it was well, black out. But still. It so very traumatic.

The cow was all

and i was all

and it was horrible for everyone involved. and then my mom had to go back to the scene of the crime and get her like, side mirror and stuff out the middle of the road and I had to sit at her work with all the third shifters and try to remain calm despite the fact that my mom was missing and we hit someones cow. Now for all of you wondering the cow was not harmed AT ALL despite the fact that my moms car looked like it went through one of those compactors which I think has something to do with the fact that the cows name was hudini. I kid you not. A teenagers parents left and he was in charge of watching the cows while they were gone and Hudini and one other escaped. They are both safe and sound. I cant say much for the teenager left in charge though. Oh yeah and then i threw up chicken nuggets all over the place because I really couldnt take it.

So it was only fitting that last night during a crazy thunderstorm I would awaken at 4:00 a.m and walk me and my cat into my moms room. It is not quite as babyish as it sounds because i have a crazy fear of tornados for no apparent reason because we have actually never had one. So I get woken up by, what sounds like, two ogres fist fighting and stomping their feet and then falling into a complete concrete building. I sit there for a couple seconds, convince myself that there will definitely be a tornado within minutes and I had better move. Turns out everything was fine and a tornado did not sweep my house away. But with my crazy childhood can you blame me…..?