okay first of all. DaBoiWhoLived tweeted back to me on twitter so i peed my pants with excitement. Also if you dont know who that it is, it is basically someone running a twitter who acts like Harry Potter if Harry Potter could only drink malt liquor and speak ebonics. CLICK HERE FOR THE TWITTER . Also he stays in character the whole time, It is pure perfection.
Theres a little teaser.
Now Let preface this blog entry with a couple of back stories.
I hate shots.
Let me emphasize that.
I HATE shots.
never could stand them, which leads us to my first back story when this little cat lady was only about 4 years old.
I was at the doctor, the same doctor I have now coincidentally, and, I had to get a shot in my leg. Not really understand what the hell was going on I was like sure whatever. Then he STABS ME IN THE LEG. oh hell no. So THIS is what a shot is. Nope no thank you not for me. So i calmly look up, and say “Son Of A Bitch”.
I had a quite extensive vocabulary at my young age. So after that I vowed to never get another shot again. Well I had to get some more other wise I would have gotten polio and died. I dont think im spelling that right but anyways, When i was 10 they said i was finally done with shots and i would not have to get anymore and I’m like thank god because what did i do to deserve this in the first place?
They lied. A couple months ago I went to the doctor under the false pretenses that it was just a check up (MOM). They sat me in that little room and im like cool a little check up and then we can have lunch and it will be awesome. It turns out after not experiencing a shot for 8 years it heightens the fear. I freaked out. In that moment I remembered shots as being stabbed with a thick, dully, rusty butter knife. So i cried. hysterically and eventually freaked out so much that I blacked out and cant remember pretty much anything after that. except I did get the shot.
Im sure it looked something like that
The moral of those stories is I don’t like people getting close to me with sharp objects, or any kind of objects at a doctors office really. So that leads us to my eye doctors appointment yesterday.
They used to check eye pressure by blowing a shit ton of air right in your eye socket, which i hated. So when she said they didnt do that anymore I was like YEAH SWEET!
Turns out this new way sucks even more. They put bright yellow eye drops in your eye which makes them feel like little lead balls and them get SUPER SUPER close, like touching your freaking eyeball close, to your eye with a bright blue light. Now i do not want something accidentally poking my eye right out of the socket. No ma’am so I start to slowly back out of the chin rest and twitching a lot and they lady is all Um i really need you to hold still. Listen lady I don’t like this shit you can call my doctor and he will tell you that he needs to use a low tolerance beaver tranquilizer in order to give me a shot. Many greater than you have tried and failed at these tasks so don’t beat yourself up about it. But she is hell bent on checking my eye pressure and she keeps telling me to hold still. I am aware I need to hold still but I just cant. How about you let me get SUPER close to your only source of sight with a glowing ball point pen and see how you like it?
But my dad was with me and makes fun of me when i freak out for stuff like that so i eventually let her do it but I believe we are sworn enemies now.
on another side note, I found the CUTEST WEBSITE EVER <— click there.
basically you just vote for the cutest kittens over and over and over again. It is an endless supply of super cute kittens.
how fun does that look?!