My tragic childhood. Cows and bikes. that is all.

Published March 13, 2012 by shadycatlady

I didn’t learn to ride a bike until i was like 13. I may be exaggerating since i don’t remember the precise age but it was totally in that ball park. I’m an only child who the hell was i going to ride bikes with at the age of seven. Plus I still didnt want friends, similar to Lord Voldemort.

so bike riding never appealed to me. Plus I used to go over my cousins house and have to watch them run each others heads over. I concluded bikes were too dangerous at a young age. I also still feel this way. I don’t even have a bike, nor do I want one. I thought maybe rollerblading would be a bit easier because I well know how to walk. But surprisingly it is not just like walking only with wheels and then you end up in someones bushes and walk the rest of the way home.

Also I have a mild fear of striking innocent animals with my car, which is why i almost ALWAYS refuse to drive through the metro park at anytime of the day because I know a deer will gallop across the street with its whole family just loving life and sunshine and stuff and ill be changing the song on the radio or would have just looked down for a second and BOOM i’d hit them all. It’s how my life works. Where did I become so paranoid? Let me tell you. When I was a child my mother hit an entire cow with her car. In her defense the cow was black, and it was well, black out. But still. It so very traumatic.

The cow was all

and i was all

and it was horrible for everyone involved. and then my mom had to go back to the scene of the crime and get her like, side mirror and stuff out the middle of the road and I had to sit at her work with all the third shifters and try to remain calm despite the fact that my mom was missing and we hit someones cow. Now for all of you wondering the cow was not harmed AT ALL despite the fact that my moms car looked like it went through one of those compactors which I think has something to do with the fact that the cows name was hudini. I kid you not. A teenagers parents left and he was in charge of watching the cows while they were gone and Hudini and one other escaped. They are both safe and sound. I cant say much for the teenager left in charge though. Oh yeah and then i threw up chicken nuggets all over the place because I really couldnt take it.

So it was only fitting that last night during a crazy thunderstorm I would awaken at 4:00 a.m and walk me and my cat into my moms room. It is not quite as babyish as it sounds because i have a crazy fear of tornados for no apparent reason because we have actually never had one. So I get woken up by, what sounds like, two ogres fist fighting and stomping their feet and then falling into a complete concrete building. I sit there for a couple seconds, convince myself that there will definitely be a tornado within minutes and I had better move. Turns out everything was fine and a tornado did not sweep my house away. But with my crazy childhood can you blame me…..?

 

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2 comments on “My tragic childhood. Cows and bikes. that is all.

  • I think you just need to hit more animals to get rid of the fear. Last thing I hit was a seagul sleeping on the tarmac. The funny part is, I didn’t realize it was sleeping. Figured it would move, as they always do, I sped towards it.. for 200 meters. Larger animals are trickier. You either go for the kill or swerve/duck and cover (moose).

    /J

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