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All posts for the month April, 2012

Pissed.

Published April 25, 2012 by shadycatlady

Pissed off.

PISSED OFF.

There I said it, twice actually.

Seen The Lucky One last night…….

Don’t waste your money. It is honestly a horrible movie. Yeah sure a couple parts are funny but I could feel myself not connected to the characters at all. They all could have died and I don’t think it would have even mattered to me.

The only thing that could have made it better…

A shirtless Zac Efron.

Did it happen? NO

okay it happened like twice, but he making out so all I saw was a couple of back dimples and half a man boob.

It was most disappointing.

So don’t waste your money at all.

 

So I had to make this. Scumbag Zaquisha Efron.

Also someone hit my car today.

Now not like BOOM dent. but like, let me back out but I’ll let my car scrape along the side of your fine automobile the whole time and then I’ll just leave and not leave a note or name or anything. Good Luck!

*Fart noise*

If I ever find you I will make you clean my car with your tongue, which will be gross because I never wash my car. And then I’ll make you pay for a real premium car wash because you will probably leave streak marks.

So now I’ll have to get it estimated and see how much it will cost to fix all of this because I can’t stand it being there. ITS A NEW CAR. pfffffft right. This bitch is getting FIXED. Or I’ll have to pay 500 dollars to my insurance people to get it fixed.

AWFUL. just awful.

How do you not know your ripping off all of my cars paint?!? uggggggh. You’ll get yours, don’t you worry.

Does my car scream, hit me and then not leave any information because im EEEVIL?

because this is how I see my car…

Is this how other people see my car….?

Probably. There is no other explanation for this type of behavior.

I’m livid. The last thing I want to hear when my mom walks in is “Did you know someone hit your car”

NO.

No i did not. Enlighten me. So she did and it looks awful. I’m weeping, but only on the inside. I don’t have tear ducts. Well literally I do, but I dont use them a lot.

The only thing that made today better was the fact that it was hotdog night for dinner. I ate my feelings in hotdogs. Which the new measurement for sadness.

How sad are you?

Im about two hotdogs sad.

Yeah.

I also vlogged before all of this went down

I feature my little mexican burrito cat eating a ton of her favorite food while being absolutely HORRIBLE.

honestly, she is the worst cat ever.

but shes so cute, so its okay.

TO SEE HER IN ACTION CLICK HERE!!!! seriously. click these words. 

Word Vomit Vol. 3. Studying

Published April 22, 2012 by shadycatlady

Now, it is a known fact i do not test well. I’m practically a genius, but when it comes to tests im dumber than a box of rocks. And currently I am on the verge of COMPLETELY failing my government class.

Yeah like the whole class. Because all my teacher does is talk and I can’t decipher what is notes and what is not and the only two grades so far are 2 tests because he doesnt take attendance or give homework. It like he knows how I work.

So yeah I basically need a 115% on this final next Monday or else my ass is grass.

Whatever that means.

And then, as if Jesus heard my prayers, I found an excellent study tool.

‘True American’ the drinking game.

As seen on “New Girl” with Zooey Deschanel, so you know its going to be good.

See how it all shakes out here

So basically as I interpreted it, this is how it goes.

You set up a course with a TON of beer in the middle and the your choice of liquor (The Queen)

Put the queen in the middle of the beers

THE FLOOR IS LAVA. touch it you automatically lose.

work in a counter clockwise rotation

So you all stand on chairs and if you get a history question right you get to navigate to the center to retrieve a beer and then navigate back to your spot and drink the beer. but make sure to grab beers in a circle rotation to leave the path to the queen blocked until half the beers are gone. or something.

and then when everyone has gone (End of a round) everyone has to work their way to the center and take a beer and then shotgun it. I think.

then it goes on until you reach the queen. and then you win.

Unless someone touches the floor then they lose automatically.

and then when someone holds up a 1 during the game they get to advance a space.

Yeah it’s pretty straight forward as far as I see it.

So this is how I am studying. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Who’s in?

April 20th.

Published April 20, 2012 by shadycatlady

Today it is April 20th.

Which only means one thing.

It is the two year anniversary of me getting my license.

It was a tragic time for me. My parents didn’t let me drive with my temps, like ever. With good reasoning though. I am a HORRIBLE driver. Granted two years later I’m a lot better, but back then, no. Just no. I’m lucky nobody is dead.

I actually never wanted to get my license. Didn’t sound appealing to me, but after a year of all my friends driving around and stuff I guess my mother got sick of it because she made me take those dumb classes and then signed me up for drive times. Which was like the first time I ever drove basically.

Driving around with an old man for two hours did not sound awesome to me, like at all. Why could she not wait another year until I was 18 and i wouldnt have to do this stuff? I dont know. To probably bug me thats why.

I had the same old guy, Paul, the first 3 out 4 times I had to do this so I was like awesome he’s kind of funny this is not that bad and then a different crabby old dude pulls up on my last one.

Of course

So we go to drive and stuff and get to the part where we practice maneuverability and he’s like “Wait wait wait, what are you doing?!”

And im like, Chill out im driving around cones and stuff

and then he’s like, “well why are you looking in that mirror you’re supposed to be looking in the other mirror when you do this.”

But the other guy taught me to do it this way, I only know how to do it this way

And then he says…. “Well it’s to late to change it now so go ahead”

Perfect. Just what I want to here before I take my drivers test.

So then I passed all that stuff, magically. and I signed up to take my test in BG because I feel like my 1 year old cousin could pass a driving test there because it is so easy. But really I knew I was going to fail. Everyone fails the first time. My best friend failed the first time, I feel like failing was my destiny.

So I show up to the testing place full of evil mean people looking like a pile of garbage because if I’m not going to get my picture taken who cares? Not I.

So the guy calls my name to take a test and he’s obviously foreign. And I just cant really understand what he’s saying, but I’m like okay lets get this over with.

We go through maneuverability which I did good in because it did not involve concentrating on not hitting other people.

Then we get to the road part. Nope, not for me. I don’t like driving when there is other people on the road. If it was not for them I would do GREAT.

So it is all going good till around the end. The guy said “Okay get into the right lane”

So obviously I get into the LEFT lane.

and hes like the RIGHT lane

and Im like, oh my god and then I just get into the right lane without looking and it is just mass chaos right there.

So I knew failed right at that moment. Not a doubt in my mind. and we pull up to the DMV nobody talks, we just get out of the car, walk up to the building, still in silence, and we get inside and he hands me some papers and is like Okay you can get your license over there. or at least I think that is what he said, I couldnt understand him.

I could NOT believe it. My dad didnt even think I passed.

So then I realized I would have the ugliest license picture ever for a very long time because it is easier to obtain unicorn blood than get your license picture changed. And then I was sad.

So in honor of my horrific yet great day, I will share with you all………My license picture.

Laugh at it, Love it, I dont care. You’re all lucky I love you.

So since having my license I have popped TWO tires because me and curbs are arch enemies and I am not able to make right turns. Never could, never will.

I have hit ONE animal, a bird, and I cried for 10 minutes because I was now a classified murderer.

And obviously has had ton of adventures that involve running out of gas on the expressway, running out of gas in the kroger parking lot, and COUNTLESS sing alongs.

Click here for a youtube video of my awesome driving slash sing alongs!!

I also Vlogged yesterday.

Yay videos! Where I used super strong glue to glue shit and sang some songs and was basically glue buzzin. It was so awesome.

You can catch that here ———> CLICK HERE FOR VLOGGING FUN

I promise it’s awesome.

If you want to know what i was glueing. I made this fabulous phone case for your iphone 4/4s

But this picture always uploads sideways because of some weird sorcery. but you get it.

You can click here to buy it if you want. 

 

A doctors dream come true.

Published April 17, 2012 by shadycatlady

I alone probably support my doctors salary.

I am ALWAYS there. Shit I got insurance might as well use it while we have it.

Paper cut? Doctor. Headache? Doctor. Zits? Doctor.

It is just how my brain works. It is probably because my grandpa was the biggest hypochondriac ever.

But I know I’m not. I’m just really that prone to diseases and accidents and what not. Except I think my doctor doesn’t believe me so I stopped taking the medicine he prescribed me because I’m convinced he gave me sugar pills, and I will NOT be made a fool, so now i just get headaches all the time .

Not to mention right now I have headaches all the time and my stomach burns because I forget to take my medicine and I’ve got a HUGE boil pimple tumor behind my ear that hurts when I even think about it, and I’m greatly considering the fact the voldemort may have actually attached himself to the back of my head and I am a temporary horcrux.

But anyways back on track.

I had a doctors appointment today. For my GIANT monster foot. (Incase you missed the story of its rapid growth, click here)

 Us waiting the prognosis 

So I waited a week because I had to actually go to a foot doctor, which makes me nervous because I’ve had the same doctor since I was infant and we go way back, we really understand each other. Like when I was three said son of a bitch when I got a shot in my leg and we were still cool, he understood. So I was already all sweaty, and then I had to sit in the waiting room full of people with weird feet hanging out and wheel chairs and in grown toenails and the whole thing was un-settling to me. So after waiting 20 minutes past my appointment time I finally get to go to the room. and then there was a lot more waiting and shit and then I got some X-rays in some stylish brown paper bag slippers. And he concluded that nothing was wrong. Shocker. I’m just crazy

He said it is probably because I have super flat feet but I call bullshit on that because my feet aren’t even that flat and it is only one foot. But in his defense I just really want crutches so it could be because of flat feet, I’m just trying to blow it out of proportion to get some cool crutches.

So all he did was tape it in this weird formation which I’m not sure is going to help any, but I’ll give it a whirl

FOOT JAIL!

So as you can see my big fat foot is spilling over the tape on the top.

Fabulous.

OH and I can’t get it wet.

Showering already is one of my least favorite things to do, but now I have to create some type of science project to prevent it from getting wet in the shower.

I didn’t sign up for this shit.

Doesn’t that look like fun?

I used our generic plastic wrap called “Ruffies”. Yeah exactly like the date rape drug, aren’t budgets fun?

and then I wrapped it with a plastic kroger bag so tight that I couldnt feel my foot and figured that was perfect.

If that wasn’t fun enough, as I’m balancing half in the shower with my right leg sticking out of the shower I see a spider.

Spiders? Yeah not my deal. Not since one bit me in the lip in the second grade and made my lip grow to a crazy large size. I’m a grudge holder. So I’m freaking out, standing on one foot trying to find the best shaped shampoo bottle to squash the shit out of it with. It was a disaster. This whole foot wrapping thing is a concussion waiting to happen really.

The only good thing to come from this was I didn’t have to wear shoes for like two hours. which was fun because not wearing shoes is my favorite.

And I got to see this on the way home

A FANTASTIC dolphin seascape on the back window of this conversion van. I love dolphins. So now I dont know if I’d rather have a wolf or dolphin on my back window….

Also I got the best gift for my birthday in the mail yesterday

Harry Potter AND tiffanys. I have the best family.

Dunkin Donuts Challenge.

Published April 16, 2012 by shadycatlady

Me and my friends seen a video of jenna marbles doing a dunkin donuts challenge like 2 years ago and we just thought it was the best thing ever.

So, yep, we did it.

And eating a dozen donuts is easier said than done.

The key is to seriously eat them as fast as you can before your body realizes your full as shit and than collapses.

So we ran to our local high school, and plopped down and ate 12 donuts in the parking lot right by the street so everyone driving by could see us gagging and shoving donuts in our mouths simultaneously.

We also all wore Justin Bieber shirts because we love him.

And then after we finished our donuts we had to run all the way back home and it took all my willpower not to power shove our camera guy off of his bike and steal it and ride home. So I spent the whole run home huddled over like an old lady and trying not to throw up in the street on camera.

So I present to you the best 6 minutes on youtube.

THE DUNKIN DONUTS CHALLENGE. CLICK HERE!!!!!!

I will never eat another donut again.

 

Pottermore.

Published April 15, 2012 by shadycatlady

I constantly have to remind my parents how lucky they got with a child like me. While other kids are out partying and you know being social, I am cooped up in my room being happier than I have been in a long time. Why you ask?

because……

I have received my pottermore invitation by email…FINALLY.

I got it about two hours ago. Yeah I am a fresh newbie. literally.

But I would NOT rest until I got to the sorting hat chapter (Chapter 7).

But before we get to that let me just say, it was worth the wait.

The illustrations, the details everything is perfect and whimsical and has such a magic feel to it. I’ve been lost in Harry’s land for the past two hours, oblivious to anything else. It is nothing less than pure perfection.

Also J.K Rowling releases, (My Computer just learned the word ‘Rowling’), new information about characters and places! It is honestly my dream come true.

I know all about Professor Mcgonagall’s past and how the Dursleys met and give you such a new insight to the characters you didnt have before.

I know I sound like a HUGE nerd right now but I can honestly say I have never loved anything more than Harry Potter. It is honestly my light. I could talk about it for hours without getting bored.

This will become my reality.

Yep, just like inception. Pottermore is my limbo and I am choosing to stay lost in a world that is not real because it makes me happier than anything else.

Now on to the details. besides the graphics and everything the actual game play I guess you could call it is very cool. You get to zoom in and out of places and explore the world to an extent. The dueling is very fun and addictive and it is just SO interactive.

You get to go to stores and buy supplies and pick out your own pet!

I obviously chose a ginger cat because I have a strong love for gingers, and cats. So I figured it could do no wrong.

Like the choosing of the wands. You take a short quiz and the wand literally chooses you. It is so true to the book.

So I took the quiz and I got this….

Spruce with Phoenix feather! And I’m actually very happy with it.

I LOVE MY WAND.

I feel like im slowly losing readers at this point from disinterest, so if you are still with me, thank you for caring, or atleast waiting for something to cool to happen.

Well guess what some cool shit did happen, because shit got real at about 11:30….

I’ve reached chapter 7. I sat here for a minute, JUST a minute, contemplating whether or not I even wanted to go to chapter 7 yet. Was I ready? I had no idea. What I did know is that I was sweating from nervousness and if i didnt make a move fast I would have armpit stains in my good shirt.

So i chose to move on, now or never. What ever house I’m in will be fine I kept telling myself. Even though inside I knew I was a ravenclaw because I am not usually daring or brave. I am very book oriented and yet I was still nervous.

I am very sarcastic and witty, what if my meaness translated over to slytherin? What if my complete blandness and boringness led me right into hufflepuff? But I knew, I had to be.

So I take the quiz, very careful to be 100% honest within it because I knew I would never forgive myself if i put myself in the wrong house. So I answered all the questions that seemed never ending, while at the same time ending to fast.

and I click submit and waited for it to load, when finally…

I, the cat loving weirdo, was placed in Gryffindor!

I was so shocked. I have called myself a Ravenclaw for so long.

But it is time to change allegiance because I am a PROUD Gryffindor!

And if you are still with me I would like to reallly thank you because you obviously like harry potter, and/or me, and when I tried to express this excitement to my family it did not go as planned.

My dad was tipsy off of margaritas to even care and my mom, bless her soul, just really had no idea what I was talking about. She would probably think Gryffindor was a disease, she kept saying what one dont you want to be in, and im like, Slytherin mom. and she said so Gryffindor is good right? I know how can I love Harry Potter so much and my mother has no idea what it is? I have no idea but she promised to read them over the summer.

That is as far as I let myself get tonight and I cant wait to explore the other chapters tomorrow!

I urge everyone to sign up right now!!

The Anti Mom Suit

Published April 13, 2012 by shadycatlady

I went shopping today. Specifically for a bathing suit. Which is my least favorite shopping to do, because NO bathing suits fit me, except for maybe a selection at the Baby Gap.

Dillards has the best selection of bathing suits. I went into Macys and it was Mom Suits and hideous 2 pieces everywhere. And I really wanted a one piece this year.

Yeah I have no idea why, but its hard to find a one-piece swimsuit that is not super momish. But then I spotted a suuuper cute ralph Lauren swimsuit. And i go pick it up and of course it is a size six, and I am NOT a size six. I am like a size one at most.

But I was already very madly deeply in love with it. So I said forget it. I’m going to make myself fit into this.

this is the swimsuit:

Yeah she looks like your typical suburban soccer mom.

But I put on this size six and it fit! Its like Jesus wanted to make it up to me for screwing me over on my exam this morning where I had to leave two 20 point questions blank and then cry in the school parking lot.

But then I had to buy some accessories to make it even more mom-less, and I have got to say, it was a success! It looks so chic and i love it, so I am here to tell you not to count out mom suits because sometimes Jesus owes you one and makes it really super awesome.

Here are some snap shots I took on my moms camera, on a timer, so if it looks like im sweating and out of breath, its because I am form running from the camera and into a fierce pose all within the time limit.

The swim suit is also black but during editing it kind of turned blue and I was like forget it.

But I got that hat form forever 21 for 12 dollars! I love it

It would look cute with these huge black platforms you cant see because our carpets black because my mom has bland taste (Note the grey walls)

I got my sunglasses from 80spurple.com for like 15 bucks !

Also just a close up of the hat, its kinda straw with a cute polka dot scarf bow around it. The bow is also super attatched so it is nottt going anywhere.