A doctors dream come true.

Published April 17, 2012 by shadycatlady

I alone probably support my doctors salary.

I am ALWAYS there. Shit I got insurance might as well use it while we have it.

Paper cut? Doctor. Headache? Doctor. Zits? Doctor.

It is just how my brain works. It is probably because my grandpa was the biggest hypochondriac ever.

But I know I’m not. I’m just really that prone to diseases and accidents and what not. Except I think my doctor doesn’t believe me so I stopped taking the medicine he prescribed me because I’m convinced he gave me sugar pills, and I will NOT be made a fool, so now i just get headaches all the time .

Not to mention right now I have headaches all the time and my stomach burns because I forget to take my medicine and I’ve got a HUGE boil pimple tumor behind my ear that hurts when I even think about it, and I’m greatly considering the fact the voldemort may have actually attached himself to the back of my head and I am a temporary horcrux.

But anyways back on track.

I had a doctors appointment today. For my GIANT monster foot. (Incase you missed the story of its rapid growth, click here)

 Us waiting the prognosis 

So I waited a week because I had to actually go to a foot doctor, which makes me nervous because I’ve had the same doctor since I was infant and we go way back, we really understand each other. Like when I was three said son of a bitch when I got a shot in my leg and we were still cool, he understood. So I was already all sweaty, and then I had to sit in the waiting room full of people with weird feet hanging out and wheel chairs and in grown toenails and the whole thing was un-settling to me. So after waiting 20 minutes past my appointment time I finally get to go to the room. and then there was a lot more waiting and shit and then I got some X-rays in some stylish brown paper bag slippers. And he concluded that nothing was wrong. Shocker. I’m just crazy

He said it is probably because I have super flat feet but I call bullshit on that because my feet aren’t even that flat and it is only one foot. But in his defense I just really want crutches so it could be because of flat feet, I’m just trying to blow it out of proportion to get some cool crutches.

So all he did was tape it in this weird formation which I’m not sure is going to help any, but I’ll give it a whirl


So as you can see my big fat foot is spilling over the tape on the top.


OH and I can’t get it wet.

Showering already is one of my least favorite things to do, but now I have to create some type of science project to prevent it from getting wet in the shower.

I didn’t sign up for this shit.

Doesn’t that look like fun?

I used our generic plastic wrap called “Ruffies”. Yeah exactly like the date rape drug, aren’t budgets fun?

and then I wrapped it with a plastic kroger bag so tight that I couldnt feel my foot and figured that was perfect.

If that wasn’t fun enough, as I’m balancing half in the shower with my right leg sticking out of the shower I see a spider.

Spiders? Yeah not my deal. Not since one bit me in the lip in the second grade and made my lip grow to a crazy large size. I’m a grudge holder. So I’m freaking out, standing on one foot trying to find the best shaped shampoo bottle to squash the shit out of it with. It was a disaster. This whole foot wrapping thing is a concussion waiting to happen really.

The only good thing to come from this was I didn’t have to wear shoes for like two hours. which was fun because not wearing shoes is my favorite.

And I got to see this on the way home

A FANTASTIC dolphin seascape on the back window of this conversion van. I love dolphins. So now I dont know if I’d rather have a wolf or dolphin on my back window….

Also I got the best gift for my birthday in the mail yesterday

Harry Potter AND tiffanys. I have the best family.


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