Coupons. That is how this whole thing started. 3 stupid Victoria’s secret coupons.
Lets back track my trip to the mall.
3 coupons! sweet! Ill just run to the mall after my mani-pedi (Groupon so I practically made money on it).
1. Free Underwear
2. 10$ off a bra
3. 10 flip flops with any purchase. (Regularly 24.50)
All good deals. I mean, I have to use all these coupons or im really just losing money.
I walk in and the lady directs me right towards the free underwear. Thanks lady, now I just need to get one more thing and then I can get my flip flops at the register and pay.
Wait, what did that sign say?
I slowly walk towards the color display of every lotion and perfume, like ever. All shiny and in a forcefield that smells like dreams.
The sign say 75% off.
I look around, this is obviously a mistake.
Except its NOT a mistake. These are literally almost free.
oh my god. When will this ever happen again.
I am frantic. I dont believe it, im picking up lotions left and right.
No, I do not need these, so I sadly put them all back and go to walk away and then I see that canvas beach bags are also on sale!
for a beach bag?! That is nothing.
Granted I dont go to the beach a lot because I hate fish and our beach is probably polluted with the plague and I’ll come out with an extra arm. but still, what if one day I want to go to the beach and I dont have a bag?
I better get it.
Im on my way to the dressing rooms when I see a sign that says “SALE STARTING AT 9.99”
well I mean, 10 dollars is nothing, I’ll probably waste 10 dollars later on stuff I dont need, I might as well spend it on things I know I’ll use forever.
Like the most perfect grey sweatpants. They’re lose but not toooo lose, and they’re a little tight, tight enough so people dont think I’m a boy from the behind. They are made of clouds on the inside im sure of it. and you can wear them long OR you can roll the bottoms, like trendy capris. Now they’re 21 dollars, a little more than 10, but I’ll wear these sweatpants all the time, I might even request to be buried in them.
Yeah I’ll put them in the shopping bag the kind ladies got me after I kept dropping everything all over their floor.
I also see that you get a beach wrap for 10 dollars with any purchase.
Now as i said I dont go to the beach a lot, but what if we have a little pool party and I want to wear my swim suit but still have something light over it. Yeah I’ll ask for that at the register also.
I’m in line when I see that the lipgloss is 50% off.
Well I mean, I think I had this lipgloss once and i really liked it, so I better get one while they’re on sale.
Okay so I opt of the beach wrap and a couple other items when I see I have amassed a 58 dollar bill.
How this happened I have no idea.
I’m a blackout shopper. I just black out when I shop and I get to the register and I am swiping my card and looking at things I have never seen before. But i buy it anyways because I trust my judgement and I’m sure I need all this stuff.
I’m fast walking out of the mall NOT looking into any other shops because I cannot spend anymore money, seriously, I don’t need anything else. I look away from the sparkly tennis shoes and the godiva truffles because I am a saving queen and I do not need those things.
Then I see it.
A sale at abercrombie, additional 50% off of sale items.
Oh my god. I wait years for sales like this. I dont need anything but ill pop in to look.
They’re playing a club remix of Selena Gomez, like they knew I was here, and now I’m pumped.
I’m grabbings things left and right.
A bright yellow rain coat! Ill definitely need this sometime.
no, no, I do not need this…. I’ll just leave..
This red dress was made for me. Im the dressing room twirling around, it makes my eyes greener, my tan more tan and it has pockets…. for my new lipgloss.
I also tried on a ruffly shirt, that accentuates me in all the right places. It is a mix between red and pink with a striped blue ribbon. It was hand crafted for me.
Ill get this shirt, because its only going to be like 16 dollars. What is that? like nothing. Yeah I’ll just get it.
Plus I remembered I put a 50 dollar deposit down on my rental car and I get that back when I take it back.
So I really I only spent like 20 dollars? Not bad at all!
As im sprinting out of the mall, I see that Perfumania is having a 70% off sale…….
I require supervision when I shop.