facebook

All posts tagged facebook

The only thing not hostile about this are cats.

Published February 18, 2012 by shadycatlady

Adding cats to my stumbleupon interests was one of the best ideas ever. I’ve learned so many more cat facts over these past few days than in my whole life. It also allows me to find things like this

Which for some unknown reason makes me want to pee my pants from laughter. I’m seriously laughing out loud at this cat picture….alone….in my room… on a saturday night.

Without stumbleupon I would be so ill informed of everything like how else would I know that Kate Middleton loves reality TV?? Because i stumbled upon an article that says she does. Thank God for Stumble.

BTW my stumbleupon user name is chattymadee if you want to follow my stumbles or whatever the hell they’re calling it over there.

Yeah so anyways yesterday I’m sitting at school mentally preparing myself for the test im about to take by sitting on facebook and twitter when the limp bizkit tool asked me something about the Aristotelian stand point of an argument and if its still valid if something happens or something, I’m like I really have no idea what that question even means, because i really didnt and i wanted him to stop sitting on my bench and leave me alone. And he looks at me as if he was some type of God with a P.H.D in philosophy and i was a kindergartner and then said “How are you even passing this class”. So I was all, excuse me, limp bizkit was never cool along with beanies with bills on them so why dont you mind your own business because i could give two shits about philosophy really, and i am passing, with a pretty good grade so BOUNCE. but i really just “I dont know” and continued to not look at him because i wanted to spit on his baggy flare jeans with chains on them for being so annoying. Well he continued to sit on my bench and 5 blissful minutes pass were he is not talking to me when he says “So you just, like, sit there in class” Um yeah you dumb idiot he doesnt give notes because all the notes he gives are on the worksheets for homework, so you mean to tell me your taking notes twice. Might I add this is his SECOND time taking this class. So I just said “Ya” and he said “Wow…..Not cool”

Yeah neither is your slipknot bookbag or the time i had to listen to you talk about how prepared you are for Armageddon because you have all these guns and you actually know where the closest unground shelters are or whatever and how manly you are.

I’m generally an all around angry person. Facebook has been pissing me off lately with all the skinny people saying their fat and ugly and then the pre-teens taking pictures of them smoking and talking about being high. Okay maybe they’re not pre-teens but if you take pictures of yourself smoking cigarettes your probably not mature enough to be smoking them because im sure you just think it looks cool. Smoking just doesnt look cool. Especially if you’re still wearing a training bra.

Kids these days. I hate them all.

But i love that there is a picture for everything.

And then my friend tweeted this picture

and i pissed my pants and had to be resuscitated back to life i was so excited.

I CAN WORKOUT AT HOME AND DO MY FAVORITE THING SIMULTANEOUSLY….watch harry potter.

This is honestly the best idea ever….of all time. I will be implementing this this week. I will keep you posted.

But im also going to add 20 crunches everytime Hermione tells Ron to stop eating because she does that a lot.

But for now I’ll sit here and watch the worst one, Order Of the Phoenix, which happens to be one of the best books, and eat salty snacks!

YAY FOR TRANS FATS!

Advertisements

I’ll give advice giving a shot i guess, but it wont be serious.

Published February 6, 2012 by shadycatlady

Let me start this blog off with a real conversation between me and my mother on good ‘ol facebook.

Me – I dont work until Saturday

mom – WOW that is a long time

Me – i know what am i going to do with myself? im going to sell plasma so that i can tan. after your seventh donation you get a 20 dollar bonus. and if i bring a friend i get a 10 dollar bonus. so if i bring a friend to my eighth donation im like doubling my profit

mom – you are not selling plasma

Me – im tanorexic. i have to

Me – I want my turn with the ponytail

Mom – No i call the ponytail all week

Me – no that is un-justified

Mom – I have longer hair and im older

Me – omg. I’m telling

Mom – snitches get stitches. and end up in ditches

Me – you get the ponytail and I get the tiffanys band for valentines day

Mom – it would be cheaper to buy new ponytails

Me – no thats the deal. i have an ugly finger, its probably why i dont have any friends. having a great ring on it would increase my popularity

Maybe i should explain the ponytail situation. We go through hair ties like nobodys business in my house. and we dwindled down to one lone hair tie. so i was wearing it and she asked for it so i gave it to her. It’s like sisterhood of the traveling hair tie except you have to fist fight to get it back, so its like sisterhood of the traveling hair tie fight club group.

oh and my ring finger is ugly because i broke it and healed all crooked :

 yay! defects!

ANNNND finally the tanorexia.

Tanorexia is a disease where you never feel your tan enough. Now i know im not tan AT ALL in that picture. Thats because i havent started selling my plasma for tanning money yet.

This can best be explained through pictures.

This is how i feel when I look the way i do now. When im white and pasty i feel psychotic and that i have droopy eyes and someone will cut my right boob off.

buuuuuuut…

When im tan like this ^ I feel like I always have so much more fun and my friends will want to hang out with me and my hair will always look good and i can get away with wearing my hot shorts and leotards.

and then…

But what really happens in tanorexia is that you think your not tan and then you think the more tan you get the more fun and friends you have and the more leotards you can wear and you end up looking like this. Malibu barbie dipped in tar.

Now I dont usually give advice because I am not a real good listener. So since you didnt ask for advice i can give whatever kind of advice i want

exactly. An assorted box of like 24 godiva truffles is like 67 dollars (I know this because i plan to buy it for myself). So why not buy her a bunch of wine coolers or cheap vodka because nothing says I love you like getting them all wasted in order for them to say i love you, and also ruffies are hard to come by.

Alls fair in love and war, isnt it?

Me and my bank account share this little list. When i look at it i get all stressed because it usually at around below a dollar. because i dont trust the bank so instead i spend it all right away. but anyways i get stressed out because i cant afford like gas or food or stuff, so then I get depressed but then i remember……I look great! So if this explains you, you are not alone. and no matter how many people tell you that you need to start saving money and establishing a budget…MOM….. you don’t have to. Keep on a spendin and look great doin it!

and on a serious note, we could all use more of these. and more pools and wedge sandals and stuff.

and in a un advice related note i found this:

 

And i labeled it ‘classy mom’. because this is the kind of mother I will be to my future adopted children. or future little sisters. I will wear a coat, but with my arms out of the sleeves and wear my tom ford cat eye sunglasses and have a nice neutral pallet for my outfit and all the other kids will want to come over to my mansion and get rides home in my BMW and I’ll be so cool that I’ll let them after i wipe of their hands because kids are ALWAYS sticky.

This is probably going to come out all weird because im tired

Published December 23, 2011 by shadycatlady

Im very tired, i apologize now for sentences that dont make any sense and words spelled wrong and stories being told out of chronological order.

You have been warned.

I have to work at 8:30 in the morning. on Christmas eve.

Why? who wants to by moderately priced appliances at nine in the frickin morning.

morons. thats who.

So i politely told my boss that there was no way in hell i was going to be able to come to work at 8:30 because that was an ungodly hour and its still all cold and frosty out and i hate being cold, especially in the mornings because its against my religion where we cant ever be cold or get up early.

So he said to just come in at 8:45.

score one for ya girl over here

Being an only child is like being an heiress i figured out today.

The reputation of the family lies in your hands, and your hands alone. Thus resulting in the future of your family in your hands, just like the future of the company lies in the heiress’s hands.

You get a ton of shit because well, your the only one, and if your an heiress you probably use dollar bills as fertilizer because your so rich.

you do not, EVER, have to share. No matter what any ever says because well you weren’t trained for that barbaric shit.

And other multiple reasons, so i’ll just refer to myself as an heiress from now on.

My friend today just sent me the most awesome christmas card.

It is just the perfect mix of seriousness and cheesyness that makes it so so right.

You all know.

Im in love with it. It features great pictures of her and her boyfriend and a fabulous dog with antlers.

She also wrote a note explaining how she hopes i get a cat for christmas because im a crazy cat lady, and i appreciate her wishes, so maybe if we all wish hard enough and you all waster your 11:11 wishes on me, ill wake up with a kitten under my tree.

What a great lookin group. Myself included.

Thanks anissa, you’re my Dog.

I hate when people title their facebook albums their first name and middle name.

If im friends with you on facebook, im sure i already know your name.

You dont need to put all your pixelated dirty mirror pics into an album displaying your name.

It is the equivalent of talking in third-person. which makes it okay to kick you in the face.

Maybe its first person, you guys get it anyways, i wouldnt really know because my foreign english teacher gave me an F once.

the irony.

Incase i dont have time to blog before or on christmas due to my extreme popularity and everyone wanting to see me

HAPPY HOLIDAYS BEEYOCHES

p.s i just made my computer learn the spelling ‘ beeyoches ‘

Cults and oil changes.

Published December 22, 2011 by shadycatlady

Pinterest is a cult.

You dont just get to sign up and look through a bunch of stuff you cant afford and pin it to boards that are called “my dream home ill never be able to afford” and “my fashion (that i wish i had and could afford)”. You get to sign up to request an invitation

you have to be invited to this website. what is America coming to?

Well it took me two freakin weeks but i finally got my invitation.

I dont know if they conducted background checks or got blood samples from my doctor or whatever but they decided i was worthy to grace their website.

AND IT WAS WORTH IT

i can not stop pinning things to these boards i have and it is just so totally awesome.

I have stuff like a waterfall shower and a counter with a hole in it that goes to the garbage so i can just throw all my garbage in there. and then i have wedding dresses and cakes and stuff, its just all awesome.

I urge you all to join, except you wont have to wait because if you give me your email i can send you an invitation immediately!! Do not hesitate im on here all day every day!!

Facebook again….

I hate when people post completely stupid things

Someone once posted

“awww i want a love like 500 days of summer”

…Summer never tells Tom she loves him and then she marries someone else.

Why would you ever want your life to turn out that way?

She obviously did not watch the whole movie, or was super drunk and made up the ending of the movie.

And things like

“omg this show is so funny, its the same sense of humor i have that nobody understands”

Umm…. im pretty sure a ton of people understand your sense of humor, because that television show is on national TV..

I also hate when people freak out about the your/you’re mix ups.

some people freak out like

omg you used the wrong form of ‘your’ you are sooooo stupid and stupid

I obviously have better things to do than make absolute sure i used the correct form of ‘your’, like focusing on not throwing up and falling asleep at my keyboard.

Nothing stresses me out more than going to the car fixer place.

for one reason

i have to drive on those little thingys, and it has to be perfect or else my car will fall through the bottom of floor and crush all the oil changer people.

I had to do this today.

After i waited 35 minutes to actually get to that part i sat outside blasting glee so i could get all pumped and lip synch like the lip synching god i am, and then it became my turn.

I turned down Brittany S. Pierce’s version of who run the world and braced myself for the worst.

My hands are sweating so much i dont even think i could turn the wheel if they wanted to, and i have the dumbest look of extreme fear on my face. Atleast thats how i imagined it in my ford fusion, whether or not it actually looked like that form the outside, im not sure.

But then i had to clear the little bump thing and i always imagine my pressing the gas to hard and flying through their garage door, but thankfully that didnt happen………….this time.

 

look at my new earrings, and by earrings i mean muscles.

Published December 21, 2011 by shadycatlady

Want to know what i love most about facebook?

the tools and skanks.

That is the reason i STILL have one.

that and the fact that im super popular and need to keep in touch with my peeps.

But anyways

you know, everyone has those friends that are just sooooo douchey.

The guy who is like

check out my new facial piercing bro

but the picture is a full body picture, and he’s not wearing a shirt and flexing the absolute shit out of every muscle in his body so much that im sure he is also shitting his pants and looks all unnaturally red.

Then there is the girls. oh girls

check out my new haircut guys its so awesome 

And then the picture is super close up, not even showcasing the whole haircut, and then they took off their tank top and put their lowest v-neck on and their super push up bra and then squeeze their boobs together, then take the picture.

It involves a lot of work.

and they wonder why they get called the names they get called.

AND THEN

the douchey boys comment on those pictures like

you are so beautiful we should get to know each other

and then they get together and date for a solid 48 hours and then break up and make all their status’s about how there isnt any decent people in the world.

Oh the irony in the world.

Speaking of Irony, Ozzy didnt win survivor.

I just do not see how that is possible because he swims like a dolphin mixed with King Triton.

He literally is THEE survivor. he catches like sharks and stuff and does it all while having AWESOME hair.

like wtf, how did Sophie even win. she was a brat, like Ozzy said

I might be a little biased because i happen to be madly in love with Ozzy, but the footage does not lie.

He is just super athletic, at unnatural things, like climbing trees and staying under water for very long periods of time.

Things that come in handy in real life and look good on a resume.

And right now a Ryan Dunn tribute is on, and its making me sad.

Kind of like when i watch Clueless and see pictures of Brittany Murphy

But then some things make me happy, like the awesome wolf notebook i write all this stuff down in, and christmas presents and stuff.

So if you ever get sad, think of majestic wolves howling at the moon, and harry potter and golden snitches and stuff like that.

Yeah, im deep.