shopping

All posts tagged shopping

My life as a shopaholic.

Published July 2, 2012 by shadycatlady

Coupons. That is how this whole thing started. 3 stupid Victoria’s secret coupons.

Lets back track my trip to the mall.

3 coupons! sweet! Ill just run to the mall after my mani-pedi (Groupon so I practically made money on it).

1. Free Underwear

2. 10$ off a bra

3. 10 flip flops with any purchase. (Regularly 24.50)

All good deals. I mean, I have to use all these coupons or im really just losing money.

I walk in and the lady directs me right towards the free underwear. Thanks lady, now I just need to get one more thing and then I can get my flip flops at the register and pay.

Going smoothly.

Wait, what did that sign say?

I slowly walk towards the color display of every lotion and perfume, like ever. All shiny and in a forcefield that smells like dreams.

The sign say 75% off.

I look around, this is obviously a mistake.

Except its NOT a mistake. These are literally almost free.

oh my god. When will this ever happen again.

I am frantic. I dont believe it, im picking up lotions left and right.

NO.

No, I do not need these, so I sadly put them all back and go to walk away and then I see that canvas beach bags are also on sale!

7.50.

for a beach bag?! That is nothing.

Granted I dont go to the beach a lot because I hate fish and our beach is probably polluted with the plague and I’ll come out with an extra arm. but still, what if one day I want to go to the beach and I dont have a bag?

I better get it.

Im on my way to the dressing rooms when I see a sign that says “SALE STARTING AT 9.99”

well I mean, 10 dollars is nothing, I’ll probably waste 10 dollars later on stuff I dont need, I might as well spend it on things I know I’ll use forever.

Like the most perfect grey sweatpants. They’re lose but not toooo lose, and they’re a little tight, tight enough so people dont think I’m a boy from the behind. They are made of clouds on the inside im sure of it. and you can wear them long OR you can roll the bottoms, like trendy capris. Now they’re 21 dollars, a little more than 10, but I’ll wear these sweatpants all the time, I might even request to be buried in them.

Yeah I’ll put them in the shopping bag the kind ladies got me after I kept dropping everything all over their floor.

I also see that you get a beach wrap for 10 dollars with any purchase.

Now as i said I dont go to the beach a lot, but what if we have a little pool party and I want to wear my swim suit but still have something light over it. Yeah I’ll ask for that at the register also.

I’m in line when I see that the lipgloss is 50% off.

Well I mean, I think I had this lipgloss once and i really liked it, so I better get one while they’re on sale.

Okay so I opt of the beach wrap and a couple other items when I see I have amassed a 58 dollar bill.

How this happened I have no idea.

I’m a blackout shopper. I just black out when I shop and I get to the register and I am swiping my card and looking at things I have never seen before. But i buy it anyways because I trust my judgement and I’m sure I need all this stuff.

I’m fast walking out of the mall NOT looking into any other shops because I cannot spend anymore money, seriously, I don’t need anything else. I look away from the sparkly tennis shoes and the godiva truffles because I am a saving queen and I do not need those things.

Then I see it.

A sale at abercrombie, additional 50% off of sale items.

Oh my god. I wait years for sales like this. I dont need anything but ill pop in to look.

They’re playing a club remix of Selena Gomez, like they knew I was here, and now I’m pumped.

I’m grabbings things left and right.

A bright yellow rain coat! Ill definitely need this sometime.

no, no, I do not need this…. I’ll just leave..

This red dress was made for me. Im the dressing room twirling around, it makes my eyes greener, my tan more tan and it has pockets…. for my new lipgloss.

I also tried on a ruffly shirt, that accentuates me in all the right places. It is a mix between red and pink with a striped blue ribbon. It was hand crafted for me.

Ill get this shirt, because its only going to be like 16 dollars. What is that? like nothing. Yeah I’ll just get it.

Plus I remembered I put a 50 dollar deposit down on my rental car and I get that back when I take it back.

So I really I only spent like 20 dollars? Not bad at all!

As im sprinting out of the mall, I see that Perfumania is having a 70% off sale…….

I require supervision when I shop.

The Anti Mom Suit

Published April 13, 2012 by shadycatlady

I went shopping today. Specifically for a bathing suit. Which is my least favorite shopping to do, because NO bathing suits fit me, except for maybe a selection at the Baby Gap.

Dillards has the best selection of bathing suits. I went into Macys and it was Mom Suits and hideous 2 pieces everywhere. And I really wanted a one piece this year.

Yeah I have no idea why, but its hard to find a one-piece swimsuit that is not super momish. But then I spotted a suuuper cute ralph Lauren swimsuit. And i go pick it up and of course it is a size six, and I am NOT a size six. I am like a size one at most.

But I was already very madly deeply in love with it. So I said forget it. I’m going to make myself fit into this.

this is the swimsuit:

Yeah she looks like your typical suburban soccer mom.

But I put on this size six and it fit! Its like Jesus wanted to make it up to me for screwing me over on my exam this morning where I had to leave two 20 point questions blank and then cry in the school parking lot.

But then I had to buy some accessories to make it even more mom-less, and I have got to say, it was a success! It looks so chic and i love it, so I am here to tell you not to count out mom suits because sometimes Jesus owes you one and makes it really super awesome.

Here are some snap shots I took on my moms camera, on a timer, so if it looks like im sweating and out of breath, its because I am form running from the camera and into a fierce pose all within the time limit.

The swim suit is also black but during editing it kind of turned blue and I was like forget it.

But I got that hat form forever 21 for 12 dollars! I love it

It would look cute with these huge black platforms you cant see because our carpets black because my mom has bland taste (Note the grey walls)

I got my sunglasses from 80spurple.com for like 15 bucks !

Also just a close up of the hat, its kinda straw with a cute polka dot scarf bow around it. The bow is also super attatched so it is nottt going anywhere.

 

My future has never been more clear to me

Published January 8, 2012 by shadycatlady

I’ve reached a new level of lazyness.

I demand everyone ‘Heytell’ me instead of text me because typing is dumb. And if you dont know heytell is a walkie talkie app for your phone, it’s awesome.

I also seen Young Adult over the weekend. I’m sure this is how my life will end up. Moving off the biggest city in Ohio, which will still probably suck. and then the former love of my life will email me a picture of his new baby and i will go back to my awesome home town and try to win him back and make him break up with his wife and drink a bunch of distilled bourbon in a nerds garage and show up drunk to the baby naming ceremony and try to make up with him and then verbally assault his wife after she spills sangria all over my new dress.

I can see it now, I will do great things.

Other than that i spent the weekend at Money bags University with my best friend.

And my father bought us a bunch of free meals and then we sat in her room, which is right around the temperature of hell, and skyped with her mother and two 4 year old twin cousins where they yelled about hitting each others ‘buttocks’. Yeah they’re 4 so i don’t even know how they know those words, i think i just said ass.

I was kind of bad ass though. BUUT anyways we ended up watching old school at like 11:00 p.m after we sat around doing nothing for a few hours and then fell asleep. She never seen old school before so i made her watch it.

YOU’RE MY BOY BLUE!!!!

I casually woke her up at 11 am because i could NOT sit there and stare at her concrete ceiling any longer, plus i had to pee and you need a card to get in there because they’re super elite and i didnt know where it was but when she woke up she just told me to pee in my pants anyways, sooo….. she will be a great mother.

And then we went to the mall with my uncles girlfriend, who has a P.H.D in shopping so we were at the mall for like 5 hours, not that im complaining because shopping warms my heart like nothing else, i even drooled a little outside of tiffanys, because its beautiful.

AND thennnn my father took us all to long horn where i ate my weight in cheese fries and then ate a salad and then had some chicken and looked at my growing double chin in the mirror in the bathroom.

It was awesome.

But i start school again tomorrow so I hate my life and i need to sleep because i am unbearable without sleep.

No seriously, even worse than normal.

Plus were watching SNL cause we taped it, and this skit is HILARIOUS

Watch it HERE its called DRUNK UNCLE and im peeing my pants for real. its so funny. 

oh my god for real. Everyone has an uncle like this.

p.s sorry for the crappy quality, don’t like it? do your own googling..

some good news for you….. and life lessons from me

Published January 1, 2012 by shadycatlady

You all should be THRILLED that i have finished all the kardashian shows available on netflix. But now i feel like my insides are an empty void, like what do i do? Im going to have to find somewhere to watch the ones that are not available because mason grows up and gets adorable! HELLLOOOO

BUT Scott did get really really really, like, REALLY wasted at Kim’s birthday party and it was ridic. like seriously. Him and Rob started drinking like right away and then they got into a fist fight purely to piss off Kris, and it worked because like, “omg you got champagne all over my brand new dress!!!!!!” yeah shit got real up in the Las Vegas. And then Scotts bosses were coming up to the hotel because they know Kris and Kris TOLD Scott that his bosses were coming up and when they knocked on the door Scott let Rob out of a headlock and scrambled to his feet and said “Thats the police, don’t look them in the eye when they get in here!”

Scott you have consumed enough alcohol to get a small army hammered, and not small like midget small like in quantity, you know maybe like a couple hundred soldiers. I dont think not looking in the polices eye is going to stop the fountain to champagne perfume that is your breath hit them like a ton of bricks.

And then Kris was complaining about being at Khloes bachelorette party because there were penises everywhere and it was just “totally inappropriate” but i know she secretly loved it because she likes to embrace her inner youth and drink heavily and stuff.

I have realized something over the holiday. Mall parking lots are a battle royal.

It everyman for himself and it is prison ruled, meaning there is no rules. Now, is that was prison rules actually means? no idea, but i’d like to imagine it that way.

There is no mercy.

Stop Signs? what stop sign officer, im partially blind in one eye so hardly even noticed a tiny stop sign plus a tree was blowing in the breeze and the leaves were blocking it form my vision. Yeah like that.

A 4 way stop at a mall is like a dirty cage fight.

Nobody gets turns. HA, your turn, LADY THERE IS A SALE AT THE OLD NAVY.

If no one moves for a fraction of a second it is a FREE FOR ALL and everyone goes and its everyones fault because it was everyones turn.

There is a lot of hairsprayed moms and tan crispy middle fingers up in the mall parking lot.

I spent NYE (i like to abbreviate that, its looks cool and sophisticated) at our local comedy club place with some old friends and new friends and my BFF/Sister, except we didnt watch comedy, we watched the 80’s cover band.

Let me tell you a couple things about NYE.

Cougars love 80’s music, and they WILL get on stage and steal a tambourine and dirty dance no matter how old they are because they dont really know they are old. Cougars also love drinks, and singing out loud really loud while reminiscing about their glory days.

Cover bands should always have their own show.

I picture their lives so interesting, like they book the occasional gig where they get to wail out on the guitars and be the second best thing next to the real band. And after the show they take a bunch of cougars back to their apartment where there isnt enough rooms for everyone and then they all drink busch and natty lite and then pass out next 3 day old pizza while the cougars politely excuse themselves because they are NOT wasting the outfit they bought that they cant afford on this garbage dump of a situation.

People love drinks, LOVE THEM.

They have this thing called a fish bowl…. and it is just literally a fishbowl filled with a bunch of 151 and other stuff.

People should just not drink those, yet i seen so many, and people are allllll kinds of wasted and making mistakes and dancing, and i know that they think they actually look like Michael Jackson (rip) while dancing to Billie Jean, but i KNOW you dont, you look like your having spasms.

Which is why i should be in charge of everyones decisions, except the cougars, they have life alllll figured out.

My cat is the devil, and thats why this is so short.

Published December 26, 2011 by shadycatlady

I had a serious unfortunate chain of events this morning.

I had chapped lips. They’re always chapped by the way.

so im laying down in my moms room looking for chapstick and my mom finds some and i get all excited and dont exactly know how anything after this happened, but she elbowed me in the back of the head while opening it and my head falls RIGHT onto the open chapstick and chunk breaks off IN MY HAIR,

So I’ve walked around all day with a chunk of sticky hair. I noticed it at the buckle, which probably like the Barneys of my town, where all the bitchy girls and their cougar moms pay for 700 dollar jeans and then go get their tan on and get highlights so that they look super fabulous because they’re from hollywood and brad pitt is like their cousins moms 2nd cousin twice removed, so they’re better than you.

I also do not eat a super good christmas dinner because i am not super fond of meat. Especially when its all red and bleeding and it makes me vomit in my mouth when i look at it. And then there is like these fatty pieces that look like voldemorts re-birth and that also makes me vomit in my mouth so i had plain butter noodles.

Im watching Kourtney and Kim take New York and i love kortney and Scott

Scott is such a classy dude, plus he is mean which means he is perfect.

Except kourtney is all mad at him because she found lesbo porn in his computer history and hes mad at her for being mad about it and it is just an awesome fight. Let Scott watch some porno Kourt!

Plus Kim is fighting with Chris because she wants to have babies and raise them in LA and chris wants to live in Minnesota because it is great and exciting and just a super awesome place where everyone wants to live.

But we ALLLL know that doesnt work out anyone so im not really stressin over it.

Scott also went to the Today show with Kris to support her, so thats just super adorable. because he is just super awesome. i love him

My devil cat is trying to eat the napkin that is covering my pizza so she can eat my pizza so i really just have to go like right now or else ill have no lunch

The dreaded work secret santa……

Published December 18, 2011 by shadycatlady

How in the world do i shop for christmas presents??

easy.

I dont.

if you know me you know i never have any money, and if you dont know me, now you know i never have any money.

So present buying is usuuuually out of the question

the exception?

my works secret santa that isnt really a secret because everyone tells everyone.

In order to get a gift, you have to give one.

The know me all to well, i love gifts

I pulled my bosses name

your average 35 year old male who loves football and other male like stuff i guess.

And im all crap what do i do? what to men even like? its like, a 10-20 dollar limit. maybe he wants like some hammers or wrenches or like used fitness equipment.

then i remembered my rule for shopping

“Get people things that you would want to get”

ding ding ding ding we have a WINNER!

If they end up liking it they’re gunna be all oh my gosh madison thank you for introducing me to something so cool and awesome you’re the best!!!!

And if they dont, they might let you keep it, or they will be able to re-gift it, thus saving them time and money

I thought long and hard about this gift. It must be perfect

I have a rep to protect as best employee.

It dawned on me at 5 a.m, so when i actualllly decided to get out of bed i raced to kmart at nine, picked up this SUPER AWESOME GIFT and made it to work by 9:30

He received………..

Justin Bieber, under the mistletoe CD.

Aint nothin like a hott dude that makes you feel like a boarder line pedophile!

I think he is going to re gift this one……..